#voicethisout

I got married in Feb2020 and the bond was not good between me and my husband. Ours was an arranged marriage and we discussed having a baby after 3 years of marriage and I want to continue my studies.

But he always refused to use protection and every time it is only my responsibility to ask him for that. He refused so many times to use protection and got conceived in the second month, I don’t want to kill my baby at the same time I am not at all ready to become a mom.

For every woman, her first pregnancy will be a memory but because of the negligence of my husband, this all happened. Also, with husband’s support, I got aborted but it was me who has gone through a lot of physical and mental pressure

Again, I got conceived in Sep 2021, this time I am 100% not ready for this but I continued for my husband and at the same time I am not ready to lose another child. He wants kids. I sacrificed my life goals I stopped studying. He behaved well for up to 4 months but then again, he started troubling me.
He never supported me morally. He repeatedly used to say that “are you the only girl who is giving birth? Control your mood swings what do I have to do with your mood swings? it is completely your responsibility to control them”

He visited me once in my seventh month. I got severe pain in my lower abdomen in the 32nd week. I visited the hospital and the pain is because my cervix is 1cm dilated. The doctor suggested one injection for pain relief but I refused to take that. I went to my home and asked my husband to visit he refused to come and said “it’s JUST a pain why are you doing so much show-off”.

I went through a lot of depression and finally, I gave birth to a baby boy on 10 June 2022. it was a c-section in the 37th week. He came to the hospital when I got joined and he is waiting outside the door till he knows that the baby is a boy. After all this, I don’t want to stay with him so I asked my parents to tell them about the divorce.

The whole society was pointing out my thinking “why are you digging all the past?” It is me who faced all this, it’s my wish whether I want to confine this or not so I stood on my decision. It’s not the past.
Pregnancy is a lifetime memory for every woman. Every woman wants it as a good memory but I ended up with lots of pressure, no support, and no love from my husband.

He came to me and apologized and requested me to give him another chance. I loved him a lot … He is my everything so I accepted to give him another chance as no women want to get separated from her husband.

I am in a situation where I am not able to forget all those things, he did to me during my pregnancy. So, I want more support to continue my studies and at the same time, I want to look after my baby.
But no change. Even though I am explaining my situation, he is like “what do I have to do? Just forget the past and move on, it’s completely in your hands and depends on your capability to manage both the baby and your studies. Growing a baby is very easy. Look after your baby and study when he is sleeping.”
Anupama Akka Am I not able to do all this? As he is talking about capability, is that correct?
Is it my fault that I am not able to forget all the past without his support? I am trying a lot to forget but I can’t, I don’t know why.

And it’s my request please bring more awareness to husbands that it’s their responsibility to support their wives during and after pregnancy.